Malawi: A part of me.

I remember thinking a couple days into the trip “how am I going to put any of this into words?” Even though it was my second time in Malawi, I found myself even more lost than before. In search for words and even more so, my purpose. Whenever I head overseas for a mission trip, I’m always struck with a sense of fear. Not knowing what to expect, yes, but also fearing that I’m not “doing” enough with my life. You would think it would be the opposite, walking into a third world country. I don’t feel established or ahead in life, but I ultimately always feel unfulfilled when thinking about my life back home. I was thrown into this trip very vulnerable; the way I needed to be for God to work through me, but more importantly in me.

Beauty. It’s one of the few words I can come up with when I think about Malawi. Pure, untouched beauty. I see it in the smiles of the children and I can feel it walking down the streets. It’s raw, it’s rare and it’s truly something that is hard to find. There is something so beautiful about taking life day-by-day and loving those around you with all you have. I find this easier to do with those I’m only with for a short time-one of the many lessons I learned while overseas: how important it is to love those around you incessantly.

At the beginning of the trip I was discouraged. I didn’t feel saddened by all the poverty; I didn’t feel like I had to “fix” any differences that I saw, I was almost numb to it all. After giving this a day or two to sink in I realized I was able to process what I was seeing this time around without being blinded by complete emotion. What I was feeling and more importantly, what God was doing were the things I was more aware of.

We spent most of our trip on a retreat for children enrolled in children of the nation’s program. We had children with us who were physically impaired, autistic, emotional behavior disorders and a few others. Along with the children, we had their caregivers and a sibling. So all 86 of us packed up and headed out to safari and lake Malawi for a couple days.

Lives were restored. We shared stories, cried, prayed and laughed together. I learned what community really meant. I learned that God is in everything…yes, everything. Children and parents swimming for the first time, sleeping on a bed for the first time in their lives and laughing, a lot. I learned that language is not needed to love. I learned that God is in a smile and a hug. God is aware of poverty and He is also ABOVE it. I learned complete surrender and experienced total rest for the first time. When we offer ourselves to our family, friends, co-workers, widows and the homeless, we are a step closer to understanding a glimpse of what love truly is and who God really is.